I have edited this for reasons I care not to explain right now. Also, this is probably the last I will be posting in here for a while, please don't ask why. I guess I have a lot of thinking and growing up to do so . . . take care all my friends, I love you guys. Ciao~

[[[ Before you read all of the below, please note it is long and inless you have time or really want to, I recommend skiming down to find the > ~*~*~*~*~*~ < ; this is where I've sumed up everything so far. I think this might be something I do from now on, if I don't update like I should or, if they become too long (which they most likely will). I know not everyone has the time to read a long rant or a long update so, I've decided to do things this way. I love you guys. Do what you want now. Either one is good, if you decide to skim, you'll get the basics of what's going on, if you chose to read through it all, you'll get in detail what's up. Okay then, I'll let you all read now :). ]]] ^---^


Hey Everyone, how you all doing? It's been a long time since I've updated and I have a few things to actually write about now. But, I'm too lazy to go all into detail but I'll give everyone the jest of what's been going on for me. Let's start with my bf/fiancee; things have been really good between us, well at least usually. We get into fights every now and then, well, not really fights more like arguments. There's no hitting or anything like that, just us arguing over different things, like we did online. Big surprise there huh? :D I didn't really think anything would change ;0 and I bet none of you did too lol.

Also what's been going on for me is I finally have a job . . . sort of. I've been baby-sitting since the last part of September, I believe. I get twenty dollars a day, and I usually baby-sit ten hours. But, I have no problem with that at all, well, not really. I watch a one year old little girl named Savannah. She's so cute but, she is a bit of a hand-ful at times. Not only that, I like watching her; plus, I get away from my house Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. Well, at least that's my shedule so far. It may change in the future. I mean, a long time ago I used to baby-sit a little boy named Levi (Savannah is his sister btw, and yes I'm baby-sitting for the same person) and I really enjoyed it, for the most part. I worked from 1-7 Monday through Thursday and 7-3 on Fridays but, that's all in the past. I do miss the little guy and he's gotten big too. He is no longer living here but, that's complicated. But before I leave this off I want to add that I baby-sit Savannah at her grandma's, who is the same employer I had with Levi. There, and with that said I'll continue on with something else.

The last update I gave I mentioned our car. Well, it was the gas-pump (we thought it wasn't for a while) and it cost me my arm and leg! >.> I now have auto-mail . . . >.>; <.<;; okay! I'm kidding XD. I do want to mention though, it did hurt us for a while, though I think we may be kind of on track now. Um, anyways, I'm also without internet again -.-'' I'm baby-sitting as I write this over my employer's house. Savannah is sleeping and I figured this would be the perfect time to get in here and give everyone an update. I'm sure some, if not all of you, who check this out are worried about me. Let me tell you, I'm doing fine. I mean I have a lot of ups and downs (more downs then ups though, or at least it seems that way -.-) but who doesn't?

And yes, I do know this update is pretty long, though I think I've had other's longer lol. I would write everything that's happened to me in these past two months but, that would make this even longer and . . . I really don't think anyone will really read this the way it is anyways XD. Inless they really are interested but, it is long and usually . . . people skim through it; though I am not judging XD. I sometimes do the same so, and I do mean SOMETIMES not all the time, okay? ^^; And that's usually when you've already told me what's going on. :) I just read it to find out the details.

Oh yeah and I started talking to someone I haven't spoken to in years. I thought I'd mention this right here because it is sort of a new event for me. It goes all the way back into my past when I first was new to the internet . . . man, I miss those days. So yes, I am nostalgic (sp?) here. I won't go into boring detail (for some of you) but, it was good to talk to him again. Oh, and to let you all know, we are planning on getting DSL sometime soon (I hope) and well till then I don't really have any internet. Except where I am right now. Fortunately there is aim on here but, I doubt if I'll be able to talk long since I am baby-sitting. But, till my laptop comes back to me (which is why I don't have internet) I can't get on. And FYI for everyone >.> my laptop was the only computer (besides my bf/fiancee's) that works fast and moves properly without it moving incredibly slow or glitching. Also, my bf/fiancee's computer doesn't have a modem . . . so you all see my problem?

Wow, this has become longer then I really wanted it to be ^^;. Sorry for that everyone but, it is me after all XD. I'll try to sum everything up now and if you want details, find me on aim or leave a comment since I'll be here tomorrow too which btw is my birthday :).

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Okay, here's the basics or what's going on or whatever lol: I'm okay; I don't have internet because of my laptop going out on me cause of a cord and it's the only good computer with a modem we have (and yes I still have dial-up even here where I am baby-sitting-read below for more info- lol); things are good with me and my bf, except a little arguing here and there. I'm babysitting which is my job for now, I'm getting paid so I'm happy for it, plus I like watching the little girl I baby sit, named Savannah; and I get a house and space to myself for the most part. The car is fine now; I talked to an old friend on aim (on this computer); my birthday is tomorrow and that's about it. I can't really think of anymore things that have really happened except minor things that have to do with my family, but, inless I explain the whole story, no-one's going to get it. I will eventually do that but it'll be another time.

I hope everyone who read this (or the little part above for skiming details) understands that I miss them all. I really am sorry for the neglect :( but right now I can't help it. You guys do mean a lot to me even though, I don't show it enough. I hope eventually I can get back on like I use to or somewhat like it (after all, being on like that could depress me again and I don't need that lol) um . . . well, till the next time. I love ya all, ciao :)


P.S. Tomorrow is my 19th Birthday in case everyone was wondering! I hope to talk to you guys soon! Ciao now :) Btw there may be spelling errors, gramical errors or any other type but, I'm sorry you'll have to live with it :D. Take care now. :)

Hey All,

How is everyone doing? Me? I'm doing great! These last two weeks with my boyfriend/fiancee have been great! It's even better then I could have hoped for. I'm sorry for keeping out of touch with everyone. I haven't forgotten any of you---I've just been without internet for a while since I've been spending a lot of time with my bf/fiancee upstairs (since he isn't allowed down here for many reasons) I haven't been able to get online. I miss you guys a lot and I want you to know I'm doing okay. You all better be alive, and I mean it. I love you guys . . . and I'd regret it forever if anything happened to you. I'd miss you guys too much! And FYI: Adam, I have not abandoned you. I love you :) you're my big brother and I care about you a lot. I miss all of my friends, I really would be lost without any of you and I really, really, miss you guys a lot.

I've been doing well; I've been spending a lot of time with my fiancee of course, and it's been great---he fits in perfectly with my family. The . . . only down side of everything is . . . a few things have happened this month. One; My little canary Sunny died :(. We've had him for 6-7 years and for the last 8 years we've always had a bird and . . . you wouldn't believe how lonely it is without him :/. Two; Our car's gas pump went out. We have no car what-so-ever at the present moment till my mother get's paid. Hopefully things go well and we get our car back soon and it doesn't cost us an arm and a leg >.> otherwise I'll need auto-mail since it'll be my limbs . . . I just know it lol. >.> Full Metal Alchemist joke, for all those who might know it :). Other then these things, I've been doing good---well as good as one can be. I feel really at peace though . . . I wish all my friends were here with me. ^^ That really would be great.

If anyone cares to know, I plan on getting online again today so . . . if anyone wants to chat I'll be here for a while. If I'm not, please, leave a message on my LJ for me? So I know you're all okay. I hope everyone I know checks this . . . if not well . . . I'll figure something out to get contact out to you all. Take care everyone. I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHH!!! Bye for now :) and take care. --Caio

Hello All,

Well, as I said before I would update before my bf/fiancee comes and now I am. There's not very much to say except that I probably won't be updating for a very, very, very, long time. Starting today sometime, I will rarely be online (I think---I'm not too sure about that). I'm going to miss you all, and I promise I will update when I can or whenever I get on. After all, I still need the internet XD just not as much. So many things will be changing for me and well . . . I guess the net is something that's going to be pushed down from number one on my list.

I have school coming up in September; I have to get my drivers lience too; I've got my birthday coming up; and last but certaintly not least, my bf/fiancee is coming up in two days!! I won't be online while he's gone ---since I have evil dial-up-- I'll need the phone free so he can call me. He'll be taking the bus so I want to make sure he's safe. After all, he's crossing three states for me----on a bus---for over a day---with strange people >.>--he needs the phone free XD. That, is so romantic of him to be doing for me! Hehe and I really am looking forward to it too.


Well, that's about all I have to say. If you guys need me, just call. I'm sure Mellie and Steff have my number XD (or they better :P) so, those of you who don't know my number and are my friends, just ask them---if you can. They can call and check up on me for you--- or give you the number if you're good-- or something >.> I don't know. It's up to them if they want to do anything like that XD. I'll be sure to let you guys know once in a while that I'm fine and ect. Just for a while---which could mean the rest of this month--- I won't be on.

Take care guys! I don't want to come back and find you all dead! IS THAT CLEAR? XD. There is NO OPTION ON THAT. IT'S MANDATORY! This is directed to all of you and especially a few people I know who might do something crazy XD. You know who you are >.>. Well, Ciao----

Goodness, well as you all know, I haven't updated in here since er . . . a month ago. I know I said Wednesday the 5th of July I would write what happened but . . . quite a few things did happen and I just don't feel like writing it all since now it's basically old news. But, since I know you all love me I shall tell you about my life. I'm kidding XD I'm not that arrogant >>; I don't think! Um, well I'll let you know a few things that happened since that is what this is here for right?

Okay, well the forth of July was interesting. I saw my baby cousin Cheyanne who btw was the cutest and lightest thing I've ever held. Then of course staying over my cousins house was . . . er okay. I try to forget certain things but, life goes on! So, yeah, it's the past so I'm trying to move on from it.

In other news, I'm doing pretty good. I'm sorry I didn't update this sooner but a lot of things have happened in July. For one, my boyfriend/fiancee is coming! YES! I wrote all about that here:

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=82720854&blogID=151329115&MyToken=b5b8a0af-a5e4-4ef3-8ad6-b05135b4a222

I wrote in myspace for it for some reason. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my LJ. Just, my myspace is my happy place >.> while my LJ is my ranting place. Though I like to rotate them hehe. I'd be lost without my LJ though so no one think otherwise! Now, if you want to know more about my bf/fiancee coming up click on the link above. For, I am too lazy to post or write it all here.

Though, I'll say this here in case you decide not to read it. I am excited and nervous about being with him finally :) and, I will not be on this as much. Not that I have been lately but, I am going to rarely be online to update this though I will try my hardest to do so. I'll just be busy but never to busy for my friends :) so I recommend you reading that for me, if you love me XD.

I love you guys! I'll update before he comes which is in four days. Ciao-- XD

Hello everyone, yeah, it's been a while since I posted. Reasons are I just haven't felt like posting here or anywhere. Frankly . . . I've been doing a whole lot of nothing for the past . . . wow . . . a whole month. Eh, that's depressing XD. A whole month doing the same thing in and out . . . ugh. Yeah okay so the reason I'm posting in here on my beautiful LJ is because, I miss it sort of XD. I actually got inspired to write in here cause of Adam ^^ after reading his post, it made me want to update, just because . . . well cause he did it XD. Also, the reason I'm posting here and not myspace is because myspace . . . eh, it isn't something I want to post in today. Okay so! Let's see, nothing much has happened really . . . okay--- I'm lying. Nothing much that anyone would really want to know but is going to know anyway if they read this XD.

So let's see, when was the last I wrote something in here? I can't remember. Oh well. Um, for a while now, I've been kind of depressed. Nothing more then the usual right? No. It's a bit worse then that. I have lot's of ranting to do . . . because well. HELL! I DESERVE TO RANT! HA! Okay, now um . . . yeah. All right, first off my body has been aching a lot. Especially around the shoulders and the middle of my back (I know why. Besides the computer it's my posture too so I know why.) It hurt so bad I got a tension headache from it (Or so it seemed like). Those hurt a lot by the way. Yeah anyways . . . not only that, my bf/fiance has been working a lot lately. Yeah . . . for a while and even now, it bugged me a lot. I mean, I like spending a lot of time with him . . . so when he's gone it feels like forever. And it really was starting to annoy me for more then one reason but . . . I'm too lazy to write them all. After Akon I can say, things changed. So yeah . . . not only that . . . I'm tired of it all.

Tired of my daily things that is. Like constantly being on the computer. Or, doing really nothing. I need to get out a LOT MORE. Things have just been getting to me and it's really bringing me down. Like for instance; Today. When you're depressed I heard it can make you tired a lot more so then usual. That could be my problem. So, I over slept today and I didn't wake up till 4pm (I had four-six hours of sleep for that whole day--give me a break) so yeah, I get on, talk to my bf/fiancee and that's when things turned ify for the day. I mean, we talked and ect, did our own thing (which bugs me---but that's something else I won't get into right now.) And then, yeah, he seemed a bit upset today about something. Not at first but . . . yeah, it never is, is it? Yeah . . . anyways, he went to bed without . . . even saying I love you. --; Sorry, but, I have to have that. "Good night, I love you, sweet dreams, bye!!" At least from those I want it from which would be all my friends XD. A few exceptions are in order but . . . he wasn't even supposed to go to sleep. He said he'd be back later . . . why'd didn't he just say he was going for the night? I've been on waiting but, I don't think I'm going to do that much longer. I also was supposed to spend time with my sister today . . . that didn't happen. And yeah, I know most of it is my fault . . . or more like 3/4 of it at least. Yeah so . . . not only that . . . it's what today is.

I've never forgotten him---never. And yes I'm speaking of Jon (ex-bf). He promised we'd stay good friends I KEPT TO THAT. Then . . . he stopped talking to me all together . . . not anything at all in 6 fucking months. Then Steff said she was going to see him. I asked her to tell him hi for me--in which she did. He just said . . . "Okay." I said to her "That's it?" She said the same thing to him . . . it doesn't surprise me really . . . but I just . . . I hate it. I hate that I still care even the slightest for him. He use to be my friend! Why does he have to be a bastard and not care? I swear I want to wish him ill. SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM REGRET BEING A JACKASS. Finding this out . . . really bugged me. But after the way my bf/fiancee left today . . . of course it would. I have someone new that I love . . . but the whole thing is, I'm still a person who cared about him . . . I deserve better then that. :;sighs:: But of course (no offence to any of the guys I know now) most the guys I know are bastards so what was I expecting? I guess . . . I was looking on the bright side. I shouldn't have been :(. Yeah . . . not only that . . . today is his birthday. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JON! I never have forgotten you . . . and I would never forget this day. I hope one day you'll see that I still care. I just wish you did too . . . :(

Oh yeah and tomorrow, I am going down to stay at my cousins. When my dad leaves for work that is. So by 9'Oclock I shall be gone till the fifth. Well, it'll be the fifth when I get home because it'll be late so . . . yeah. I need to get away from home for a bit anyways. Being here all the time is too depressing for me and I need to make changes . . . and stop talking about doing it and ACTUALLY DOING IT. Yeah so . . . I'll be writing about that. Oh and yesterday around 8-10pm I was gone seeing fireworks up here. Yes, I'll be sure to tell everyone more about that after the forth. Although I'm going to be at my cousins and getting away, I should let whoever reads this know, I'll miss you guys. If things turn out the way I want them too . . . there's going to be a lot of changes. But of course, I always say that don't I? Not only that my cousins can be extremely ify . . . so I hope I have a good time. If not you'll hear all about it :P lucky you.

And . . . by the way, I know this post is long, I wish I wouldn't write so much but . . . this is the stuff that get's barried into my mind and it has been just about a month since I wrote in here so . . . bite me :P. Thanks to all who read this, I appericate it. I love all my friends! Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo to you all! Ciao--I promise to make a better and most likely longer update after the forth, I have lots to tell . . . but right now, I'm tired so I think I'm going to call it a night (MAYBE XD) Bye! Ciao---

(Also, if there's any typos or if things don't make sense, I'm tired. Remember that please ^^ Thanks ya all)

Well, let's see here . . . it's been a couple days since I wrote in here and I think it's time to do so again. So anyways, I have lots to tell. But then again, don't I always? Well, let's start out with earlier . . . I was so stinkin' depressed. One was because Steff is going to Japan! Yes, not fair lol. She'll be gone for 10 days and I just was very jealous lol. I want to go with her XD. Oh yeah, and another thing . . . my boyfriend/fiancee, is gone ;_;. He went to Akon, not fair really XD. He'll be gone till Sunday and the only way I'll be getting any contact from him is from the phone. Only an hour or maybe two at the most I'll get to hear from him . . . :;sighs:: so yeah . . . that's another reason. Oh and Mellie is going to Disney land! Ugh, I'm so uber jealous of all my friends XD I need to get away! Oh except that trip at the beach on Sunday.

The day at the beach was pretty fun. We picked up my cousin and she came with us, we sort of got lost a bit, but that was okay lol. Before we got to the beach we ate a CJ's (Carl's Junior) and it was right next to a Pet Cementary. Does that remind anyone of a certain movie? XD lol. I was like: "Eeeehhhhhhh". But other then that it was pretty fun, I found a few sea-shells and I had a pretty nice day. We ate dinner at my cousins house and that's when the day sort of turned a bit blah. But, when we got home it was nice. So, anyways, that was my day at the beach lol.

Yeah but right now, I feel so lonely XD. I won't have anyone to really talk to for a few days and that drives me crazy. I need to keep myself busy with stuff for the next few days. Till my man get's back. I really miss him a lot and it's not even been a day XD. That's sad when you think about it. Also I'm going to miss Steff a lot as well when she leaves lol. Usually when I have a problem and Mellie isn't around I go to her, or sort of visa-versa. Mellie isn't on as much as she use to be . . . so I'm going to go crazy XD. I can't believe how much I rely on my friends . . . that's sort of crazy. Yeah so, I have nothing to do so I'm in a mixture of being bored/sad/jealous and blah. Lol, Crazy yes? Well that's about it for now. I probably should start writing in myspace, but, I just haven't yet lol. Not really >.> I might rant there too. Not sure XD. It's mostly for fun, this is my ultime rant page XD. I'll think about it later . . . ciao for now XD.


-I'm quickly making an edit to this. I do have Adam to talk to XD. I hope if you read this Adam, you know I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I always have you right? :D Just sometimes I need a girl to talk to XD. Um that is also excluding my boyfriend/fiancee XD he's not a girl lol! So yeah, I hope this makes sense lol :D -----Ciao

Well, I have finally done it. I finally got a myspace! I mentioned something about doing this, and now I finally have XD. I'm actually glad I have one now, because I can rant in two different places! YAY!!! Oh and other then that, I didn't get to see my cousin. If you have no idea of what I'm talking about (which most of you probably don't) well, earlier, and planned on Thursday, I was suppose to see my cousin. She has just had a baby, well, about eight days ago to be precise, and we (my family) were going to see her. Turns out, it was way too late cause things came up. But of course, don't they always? Oh and yeah, tomorrow . . . well today really XD I'm going to the beach.

It's been a while since I've gone so I'm really looking forward to it. HOPEFULLY, we will get to go. I'm on right now, because I'm bored out of my mind. I haven't got much sleep today, but, I can't rest yet even though I know I should. We are leaving early in the morning (ha, we'll see XD) and heading there because my dad needs to get back for work by 10pm. :;sighs:: I really, really, really hope things go well tomorrow. I want to have a good day . . . I was hoping to go see my cousin for more then one reason. One; to see her and her new family. Two; to go somewhere and three; so I wouldn't miss my fiancee so much. Right now, I'm really missing him. I could get on AIM right now and wake him up but, I'm deciding better on it, I can't be so selfish . . . though I REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE lol. Oh and another thing, those who care too, check me out at myspace. I have a nice pic XD. It's my only pic . . . so, um, I know anyone who reads this already knows what I look like . . . but still. So love ya'all . . . I'll try to write in here later (it's less hassel then myspace) ciao all---


MYSPACE: My URL
http://www.myspace.com/82720854

My Blog URL
http://blog.myspace.com/82720854

Check it out if you like :D ----Ciao

It's amazing how much progress can be made in one night. It's actually more amazing of how wrong I can be most the time lol. As I wrote before I didn't think I'd hear from my fiancee; I was wrong. After a talk and a phone call we worked it out. Things are great between us again, so I'm having a pretty nice day. I'm so tired right now though, I need more sleep lol. I haven't been getting enough rest and last night was the first time I slept so comfortably. It felt good. I think I might take a nap after I get finished writing this. I feel completely at ease right now . . . but, I know it won't last for long. But, I am enjoying it while it does.

On another note, I'm going to be studying up to get my drivers lience. I've been way too lazy lately and I really need to get it, in case of emergencies. Not to mention so I can drive my fiancee around XD. >.> Then pretend to make us stranded somewhere XD. That way I can take advantage of him and do things to him XD. ::winks:: Kidding! Hm for some strange reason I want a hamburger right now XD. Okay um, enough randomness. I love you all! Ciao-----

Well, as in my previous entry . . . I should've just waited. Today . . . literally, has been added to my collection of f-ed up days. Well, my tactics did work for getting my fiancee to talk with me. However though, this did not last long. He wanted me to stay offline without any reason as to why after we had a somewhat nice convo :). This bugged me so . . . even though I agreed to do it . . . I didn't do it. I was feeling so utterly awful . . . I keep making the wrong decision today. Well, we ended up arguing . . . again. This time was bad though. I mean, really bad. Worse then before because, as he did so many times before . . . he left during the middle of our convo.

Super long story somewhat short: I wrote an e-mail, felt bad about it afterwards, wrote another to him and then even left a message on his yahoo messenger. Still no reply . . . of course I'm not expecting to hear from him . . . not really at least :( it's kind of what I sort of deserve. This has got to be either the worst or one of the worst fights we've had. And, my friendly advice from my friends or one friend in perticular (whom need not be mentioned) keeps telling me to get another guy lol. Thanks for the help out there XD. The whole thing is I can't and this person knows it and admits it XD. I'm stubborn that way. I love him so very much and . . . well even though what happened probably ruined everything . . . I'll always love him.

I seem to sort of be cursed with men. I guess those chain letters do curse you. Considering the luck I've ever had with men has been well . . . pretty bad lol. -_-; Why do all the guys I like have a serious attitude problem? Lol Geez, I'm like a moth to their flame XD. Ew, no one change that around on me XD. Also not to mention today has just been ugh . . . boring as well. I mean I just . . . I dunno. I wanted to crawl into a hole and just be alone. No that's not true, I really wanted to be with my fiancee so much . . . that I was literally just crying on the inside--so much that I felt alone. I really feel and felt bad . . . I guess whatever happens . . . happens. I can't change what is in store for me, I just have to wish for the best and move along with it. That's all I can do . . . that's all I will be able to do.

And about my dream: It was like dino-crisis meets D&D meets Alice in Wonderland meets my twisted mind. Yep. Too much to explain so I just won't do it today lol. I'm really too blah too :( Thanks to whoever reads this. I love ya all! ---Ciao


Oh yeah on other news, I'm thinking of getting a myspace. If I do I'll be sure to let ya all know. I love ya~ ----Ciao and remember: "Those who leave comments get comments in return." XD

Well, today started out oh so great. -_-; I mean why wouldn't it have? After the awesome dream I had . . . :D I really loved my dream. I met this really cute half-human half-elf guy who was REALLY hot XD. He wore these really cool glasses too ::drools:: Ahem! Anyways, before I got into that,today has been crappy so far and the day isn't even half way over lol. Or maybe it is? O.o; Not for me at least. I had a fight with my fiancee again, but it's okay. We fight a lot anyways lol. Earlier, it wasn't like that. . . twenty minutes ago it wasn't like that lol . . . I don't know why but I can't stay mad at him. I should be very, very, pissed off but . . . I'm not. I don't know why either lol. Hm, must look into it. Anyways, I've been blaring my music, trying to destroy my ear-drums. Why? Cause I can XD. Also, I'm writing in here to thank Steff. I was feeling down earlier but she really cheered me up. Thanks Stefferz. I'm in a better mood now cause of you! I love ya sis XD Thanks. Anyways, I probably should start my scheme of how to make my fiancee un-moody now. Probably won't work though ^^; even though I feel better and am not mad at him . . . not sure if he's feeling the same way right now. Yeah . . . so. Write more in here later, I will. Oh man, thanks a lot Steff, now I'll be talking like Yoda XD. Ciao 4 now ya all XD. Oh and my dream I'll explain later. Love ya all---Ciao

All right, how to begin this lol. Yeah, I know it's early to be writting. Especially for me lol but, well I have something's on my mind. Well, okay one being . . . I'm kind of tired of my same routine. I need a change in my life---a big change. I also need to start doing things . . . you know instead of being cooped up in my house all day . . . like I have been for years lol. Also, I hope to hear from a very old friend today; My friend Melony. I haven't talked to her in ages XD she was like a big sister to me for the longest time in there. I mean she helped me a lot with things and on top of that, she's my fiancee's sister >.>; I knew her before I knew him lol. That is just . . . strange. KARMA! I told you all <.<; Yeah so! Not only that but I wrote to someone else today as well. I'm hoping to hear from him . . . but a part of me has a feeling . . . that I probably won't.

Also, I'm just in a strange mood right now. O.o; I think I have WAY too much time on my hands. Like for instance, I found out by talking to Josh that Steff went away for a while. I know that has NOTHING to do with what I wrote above but . . . umm yeah. She disappeared on me XD. Why do so many people do that? Lol. Geez . . . I think ya all like me worrying. Omg, I think I just sounded like a southern person. O.o; Well I do live in Southern California but---damn. I'm rambling again XD Geez. See! This is what I meant by being in a strange mood. And for some strange reason I want to keep writting "Yeah" after every sentence. Geez. Lol. I need help.

This could be because my finacee is off working right now. Lol, Every morning into the night I talk to him. We talk for at the least . . . three to four hours. It's so wonderful really. Talking to him . . . being in love with him. Lol, As you can tell I'm happy. >.> But yeah we didn't get to talk this morning or really yesterday and I think this is a side effect lol. I'd hate to see what would happen if we didn't talk for a week O_O; I'd probably do something EXTREMELY crazy. My gosh lol.

And geez this post has become longer then I wanted it to be. I have this awful habit of writting and not stopping. And when I do stop . . . I want to write more! I feel very creative right now O.o; hm, must be because I am thinking of my man XD. He gives me inspiration and makes me feel complete. I'm so in love with him. <33333

Oh yeah and don't get me wrong, I love my other peeps out there too. Like, Messy, Stefferz and even you too Adam. XD Who else better to complain with then you guys? XD. I love you all :) . Right now as I have stated before, I'm in a weird mood. I'm also craving spagetti. O.o; That's just very, very, strange lol. >.> Could also be that I'm hungry and just need to eat or . . . I just don't know. XD Yeah okay, I'm done with my randomness. :P Love ya all! :D Ciao!

On another note before I go, I realized my emotion icons or whatever they are XD My kitties lol This one is winking O.o; >.> That to me is just plain strange XD. Kind of fits right now don't you think? XD Okay Ciao now XD And remember those who comment get comments back ::winks:: XD.

It's been a while since I updated; so I decided right now to do so. Um, yeah so, not much has happened. My sister had her birthday and I have been talking to my fiancee on the phone quite a bit lately. And I love it! The longest we've talked is 8 hours . . . and now thinking about it . . . what the hell did we talk about? XD I mean damn, 8 hours? XD Yeah, he loves me and I love him too. At least he BETTER love me >>; Kidding! I know he does XD. Yeah so anyways, KH2 has been on my mind a lot, since yesterday I went to my Uncle's and went swimming and ect. Yeah, while I was there I saw the secret ending . . . and damn, KH3 is a definite thing XD. I'm sure of it! And now, I'll be waiting three years for it. Yeah . . . not too happy about that, since now I have all these thoughts in my head. It's crazy! So crazy! XD This is what happens when you get obsessed over things >>; and people . . .

Um yeah, but other then that . . . everythings the same. And that's all I have to write for now . . . so till later! Ciao! XD


P.S. Man . . . I feel like I'm being stalked XD! Kidding XD. Yeah okay now that's it. XD.

Man, it's another one of those days where you wish you never got out of bed. I swear, I feel that way. ::sighs:: Also, the phone line at my house has become a HUGE problem, it's just a huge pain in the ass now. Always saying it's busy when no one is on it at all. It's just argh! I'm getting annoyed with this crap. Yeah, other then that everythings been the same. I'm bored . . . and annoyed and yeah XD. :;sighs:: I need to get away--book me a vacation someone XD. Ciao! XD

-Side Note- HAPPY BIRTHDAY AARON-STER! ::waves::

Well, let me start this off by saying . . . I have no idea of what the hell goes on anymore XD. Not that I ever did, but, anyways! I'm not sure the topic of this is actually accurate but, whatever XD. Today has been the most interesting in a VERY long time. Well this week actually . . . a lot of crap happened to me. First, passing out of exhaustion or . . . possibly it was from a lot of laziness that I didn't get on . . . hm, I'll leave you up to guess XD. After that, the phone line (Which happens to me so very f-ing much because I unlike fortunate people do NOT have DSL ::sighs) decided to cut off on me, and I couldn't get on for close to a week. Then, my brother got hurt. He was hit in the face with a base ball and lost two teeth because of it. One permanant tooth the other a baby tooth, but still . . . I had the holy shit scared out of me cause of all the blood on his face. I also cleaned him up because my mom was gone >>; but I'm not going into servere detail. Yeah, then last friday, since we couldn't find his tooth went down to the park where he lost it and actually found it. The whole neddle in a hay-stack thing? Yeah, apparently if you believe strong enough you'll find that needle and/or whatever you're looking for.

Yeah um, anyways . . . after that other crap happened, me and my laziness, cousins, ect . . . needing more sleep cause of lack of it. Although I'm still lazy I need sleep XD. Oh yeah, and then yesterday the phone was acting up BIG time. I couldn't get on the internet and I thought we were cut off completely . . . though it didn't quite explain how that BILL caller got through >>; I have-- no offence-blonde issues now XD. ::Sighs:: Well anyway I knew it would be at least a week or over before I could get back on . . . you know cause the phone needed to be paid and ect. Well, I called Steff a litte after 9 so she could tell everyone . . . which she did! Thank you Steff! But, well, the phone corrected itself over night apparently cause my dad called . . . and I was like "Mom how are you talking to dad on the regular phone?" She said it fixed itself. I was like, "YAY!" She was going to let me know so I could get on but, at that time I figured it was too late to get on and explain the whole situation to everyone and yeah . . . I'm lazy.

I decided to update though, so whoever checks this can know I am insane XD. No seriously though, I felt like updating after reading this fanfic about someone writing in a journal >>; yeah and I figured this was a MUCH needed one. I'll try to update more for all my peeps out there. Or to anyone who actually reads this XD.

OH YEAH! On another note, before I got disconnected and that other BS that happened, I talked to Cheryl! I was so happy to talk with her again since it has almost been a year in a half if not more. I lost her other name or forgot that it was her and stuff, yeah. I feel bad about it --;. Queen of the Dumbasses XD Wow, if that were the case I'd rule over half of this world lmao, yeah okay! I just wanted to give a shout-out to Cheryl! It's sooooooo good to talk to you again! Major love for ya Rikku XD And yes, I remember that for some reason O.o; Anyways! Ciao~

Hmm, well it's been a while now so I can update lol. Yeah um, there's not much going on for me. Nothing that I haven't written before. Today has been kind of slow. Most days are anyway for me, but today seems to be longer. Maybe it's because I got up at 4:30am? I dunno. Lol, On other news it's hella cold here. There's snow everywhere as it has been since . . . goodness, Feburary? I don't want the heat to come, but I wish it wasn't so cold XD. Oh, yeah! I finished Kingdom Hearts 2! The ending rocked--and don't worry, I'm not going to spoil anything XD. I just want to say, if you liked the first one, definitely get the second one! It's great! Hm, other then that nothing really is going on. XD I love all my friends and, Messy, write about me when you can. No rush ^^. Love ya all- Ciao~

Hey all! Yeah, this post was suppose to be all about Steff. But you know me right? Yeah . . . it's never that simple! Well, okay, let's start from what's happened to me. Hm, okay! One being, sorry to everyone who reads this post XD. I know I haven't been on and I'm sorry for that! Really, I am. I have an excuse, though whether it be good or not I can't guarantee that. XD. Um, well, and after I'm done writing all my rants, and excuses XD This post is all about Steff! Yay! Well, let's begin then shall we?

The reason I haven't been on is cause of KH2 (Kingdom Hearts 2) . Omg, I am so addicted to it right now. I'm really into the story and it's been so cool so far! There are so many fun things you can do in the game and the story is just . . . wow. This is definitely going to be a greatest hit before long--you know, like most Square Enix games are. Oh yeah! And Adam, I read your post XD I'm glad I inspired you to write about your friends and net fam. XD It's cool isn't it? Oh and, I'm sorry I haven't been on. But, not only is KH2 taking over my brain, but sadly my cold acted back up on me again. -_-; Just my luck. I'm really sorry about not being on for you guys. You do mean the world to me, but right now . . . well, I think maybe me being gone for a while is helping. Not in a bad way! I mean, taking a break for a while is helping me get over my moodiness issues and I'm feeling better about it.

Alrighty! Now, that all of that has been said and done it's time for Stefferz spot-light. Yay! Okay let's see, we've been friends for almost two and a half years now. We still have someways to go >>; but I don't care about that XD. Since we've been friends we've gone through the same thing. Sort of like me and Mellie. I've been there for her and she's been there for me. Especially when I went through the whole Jon faze . . . you wouldn't believe how grateful I am that she was there. I actually had a breakdown cause of it . . . and yeah, without her being there that night, I might never have came back online or moved on from him. Not to mention, we've had so many great times too! About a year after we met, or somewhere like that, she came to see me for her birthday! Like a present in someways XD For me and for her! The summer of 2004 is one I will never forget! She made it so much better. Not only did I go to disney land and see the grand-cayon that year, I also got to go to Universal studios with Steff! I met her on August 3 face to face, she took me to dinner up here and the hotel (which btw I didn't know about >.>; yes, I'm that bad.) and even haha, we even got lost in there. That was soooo fun! Words can't describe it. And that was before Universal Studios. She took me there too XD And that was one day I swear to God I will never forget.

When we arrived at Universal Studios, her mom bought us both digital cameras. Lol, The funny thing is we never did actually take that many pictures XD. Not on my part at least --; that was stupid. But omg! It was still so fun there. We saw shows and a few things that happened, that made the day even greater.

(1.) We rode The Mummy. That was sooooo fun! There were these freaky girls inside >>; and that was just ::shudders:: >>; scary! Okay anyways, when we got on the ride, Steff and me both had to take our hats off and anything that could fall off. Then we took off on the ride! It was so awesome! I was laughing so hard on the ride! And I was on the edge too, well the first time XD. We rode it twice >>; that I'll explain way below.

(2.) We went through Dracula's Fortress. Holy mother of Shim that was great. XD People try to jump out and scare you, and this one lady got Steff. It was so funny, I remember the exact words I said too. I saw her coming up on Steff and I was like "Steff! Steff!" and she answered me going, "What? Whaa!" XD! That was sooo funny. And fun and, it was just plain great.


(3.) After we left the fortress, Van Helsing and Dracula were outside. Both Steff and I thought it would be cool to get a picture with them. Not with us in them >>; but that happened anyways. XD. Steff was telling her mom to go stand beside Van Helsing, and he (the guys dressed as him) said "Why don't you stand beside me?" Steff was like "Uh, okay, sure." I was laughing cause I didn't think I had to be in the picture till he said "You too." I seriously was like 'sh*t' in my head. XD But what happened after that was really funny. Steff or her mom (can't remember that exactly) asked what his name was and he replied "My name is Van." After the picture was taken of course. We were laughing sooo hard! And we still haven't gotten over that yet XD. Then there's the whole Dracula thing. XD I so wanted a picture taken with him, cause well . . . Dracula is so cool! So we got a picture taken with him . . . and he grabbed our necks! Both Steff and myself were like "OMG! He squeezed my neck!" It freaked us out so much. Lol, I won't ever forget that.

(4.) The next thing we rode was, "Back To The Future" which was very fun. Her mom left us before we got on the ride and there we met these four guys who were making us both laugh (on the ride that is). The one guy kept screaming "Omg! We're going to craaaash." then there was this other guy who said "Noooo not the wall,noooooo." Or something like that. It was so, and I mean so great. I had never laughed so hard before in my life. XD It's weird when complete strangers make you laugh XD. But great nonetheless!

(5.) Last but not least back to the Mummy. Do you know, it broke down close to 10 times while we were trying to get on it the last time. Lol, Why did we go on it then? XD Because I wanted to ride it so badly before we left, and guess what? The second time it went faster and it was even greater.

Yeah, that about sums up my universal studios story XD. Now, you know! XD But this just continues to prove how great my sis is XD. She even gave me an Inuyasha plushie! XD It was one of the best times I've ever had. That's how great Steff is XD She is one of my best-friends and I'm glad she's a part of my life! Without her, I wouldn't know the things I know and, have the sick mind I do. XD Thanks Sis! XD

That's about it for my net fam. For right now at least! Till later XD Love ya all! :)

Hey all! I really like saying that now cause I feel cute >>; like I have an accent when I do say it. Um, well okay! Before I go on about my next star: Messy! I have a lot to explain about my last post. Where to start though? Okay well, first being, I was really upset when I wrote it, and . . . some of the things I said, though, I did mean them . . . they came out wrong. To make a very long story short. -_-; My fiancee and I talked it out . . . though why I don't know. I guess, as Messy said I'm learning and well, I am. Also, I'm really sorry about some of the things I said to my friends. I'm sorry guys! I love you, and I would never, and repeat never want to lose you. You're my net family. My, family away from my family and to lose you would be like losing a part of me in the process. So, I am sorry about some of the things I said. Well . . . now that, that is out of the way.

This post is now all about Messy! My star! XD. Okay, I've known Mellie, Messy, GWAW, Zombie ass kicking sister or . . . (Melissa XD) for over six years now. Yes, six years!! Wow, can you believe a friend-ship still so strong has lasted over all this time? We are still so uber-close! I mean, it's like whoa! Ever since I met Messy six years ago on aim we've been best-friends ever since. She's helped me through everything! She took me from my closed up world and brought me out. I understand things better cause of her. And, not to mention we've gone through almost the same exact things! Both being heart-broken, both of us having family issues and ect. It's so amazing that she understands me so well! Which is probably why we are so close and the coolest and weird thing is; We haven't even met face to face yet. Yes, I'm serious. We've been friends for over six years and we haven't actually hanged out with each-other.

Thinking about it all makes my head spin. I mean, I look back at my past and realize without her . . . I would've been so lost. Just like my other sister Stefferz who, btw will be the next star ^^. I mean, she helped me when I was a n00b, she is also the one who helped me type fast too. Which I do. Except for lately . . . lately, I've been blah --; but, just it amazes me. To think, without you Mellie, I would've definitley . . . lost my way in the world. So thank you for that. ^^ After all these years you've put up with me XD You must be a saint! So, again, thank you. I'm very lucky when I think of everyone I have in my life. Especially right now, my net family. Without you guys . . . I would definitely have a void in my heart. Even through all the bad times that you stuck by me when I really need it. I'm so grateful to have you all. So, to sum it all up . . . since words aren't coming to me right now, thank you guys and especially right now thank you Mellie!

Now! Stay tuned for my next star: Stefferz! She needs some spot-light here too! Because hey she's actually met me and STILL is my friend XD So! Yes, she is so going to get praised big time! XD Not only because everyone I have in my life is important, but you all deserve the best. So whatever I can give I will give. So Ciao now! XD And FYI for anyone who wants to know, my cold is slowly going away! Yay! And so are these cold-sores >>;;; anyways! Ciao!!

READ: THIS IS IMPORTANT AND ALL MY FRIENDS, SHOULD READ THIS, WHEN THEY HAVE TIME.


Hey all, I know this entry was suppose to be about, my next star: Messy-chan. My sister, and best-friend, and longest friend I've ever had. But, there are a few things I need to say . . . before then. First being, I've had this LJ for over a year now. Wow, I've been ranting in here for over a year. Heh, I'm great lol. Not to mention, KH2 (Kingdom Hearts 2) is coming out tomorrow, I'm looking forward to it . . . at least one good thing. There is so much for me to say, and . . . I guess, I should have said these things long ago. Right now, I'm crying . . . cause I've realized things I should've realized so very, very long ago. I might be wallowing in self-pity at the moment. But, I do . . . deserve it for once.

I--not long ago, I had a fight with my fiancee again. One of those fights about nothing. We were arguing about PS2. Now, think about it . . . if something doesn't work it's broken right? Yeah, that's what I think. My fiancee said his PS2 was old, and that it doesn't work. (Hence, it's broken) He was arguing with me about it, saying that it was just old. Then, it turned into the subject of elderly people . . . Cause they're old . . . He was trying to make a point . . . And then I said they are broken too lol. Just as a joke, I mean, when you get older you can't do all the things you did, so in a way if you look at it you're broke. I'm saying that about myself too. It wasn't really suppose to be as serious as it turned out to be. There is one thing though, I can't stand it when someone tries to avoid a conversation. He's tired, and isn't using his head, he tells me.

He started on something else and couldn't remember what we were arguing about. That was a big mistake . . . I'm not one to drop something like that, not when someone starts something and get's me riled up. He did that while being tired and I blew up at him. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming myself here. He's been doing this to me for a while. And I guess I'm just tired of it. He got me so upset I was crying . . . and then, he got mad and left. Now, to understand why I'm as upset as I am, I sort of did the same to him, and he really blew up at me. I may have mentioned it before but right now . . . I'm too upset to remember. Anyways, he really snapped at me then, and hurt me. I hurt him back . . . But then I apologized first that time, cause some of the things I said, I shouldn't have. That was my fault, but it was his too. So we were both to blame---we both are to blame for a lot of fights.

Anyways, this time was bad and I just told him, I don't think we should talk till we can get along. Seems like we are annoying each other enough . . . To the point where he made me cry and I made him mad. I just . . . I can't do this to myself. I can't go through another heart break. I feel so cursed and so stupid for doing the same thing over and over again. I . . . I'm surprised my heart still beats. I have a lot more to rant about besides him and a lot to explain. One: It doesn't help when you have all (Or mostly) your friends either telling you "he's walking all over you." Or, "just dump him." It's really hard. I'm sorry guys, I don't mean to pick on you, I don't, I love you guys but . . . I don't know. I want you to tell me what you think but then . . . I want you to give me the advice I need or really want to hear--which I know is so wrong. I don't mean this the way it sounds . . . I just, it's hard to write with tears in your eyes. Um . . . besides that, I need to make somethings clear. First off being, Adam, you're wrong, I don't let him walk all over me--which is why we fight and . . . Walking all over would in ply that I let him do whatever he wants to me and take it--I don't. Two: I can't just dump him, Stefferz. I do love him, but . . . If it comes down to self respect or him . . . I might have to. You guys mean well and don't think I won't turn to you. I do need you . . . And whatever advice you can give me. I just am upset . . . So please, don't be angry with me. I'm already punishing myself as it is . . .

I've been thinking and I think . . . I should take a break from the net for a while. A few days, or something . . . So I can sort of, what's the word . . . review over everything. I'll probably change my mind later . . . knowing me, but right now . . . this seems best at the moment. I'm really sorry, Mellie, I was going to, write all these great things about you. I mean, after 6 years of friendship, you deserve the spot light and I will write about you, I promise but . . . I can't take all these things at the moment. Emo fiancee, this cold . . . and this pain I keep having in my chest and back. My body is always aching and . . . I have to see a doctor soon cause of it. Which sort of has me scared . . . of what could be wrong. I shouldn't be giving myself pity but, I'm human . . . and, I'm tearing myself up right now.

Adam, Mellie and Steff, thanks guys for being there for me. I appericate it and I love you all for it. But I guess I just . . . I just need some time away. Too many things are getting to me and . . I can't take it. Also, Adam, thanks for the things you wrote about me, it felt great . . . you'll never know how much I appericate it. Although I did kind of force you into it lol. And Mellie, Steff . . . you too, I dunno what I would've done without you guys. So, thanks . . . you'll never know how grateful I am to you both.

If I'm on anything at all later, e-mail or aim . . . I'll explain more in detail, if not . . . this is the best I could do. Thank you guys . . . and take care. Oh and don't worry too much about me . . . I just feel heart broken and all those emotions I like to call "Magenta" lol . . . Ciao . . . ~

This post is mostly about Adam. Why? Cause, he's suppose to write mostly about me! XD Yeah, before I really talk about him and his brotherly cuteness XD. My day was pretty good. Me and my finacee had a fight though --; it was stupid. We were fighting about who starts the convo's. I swear, we fight like we're already married. Or we fight like best-friends do. Either way, we resolved it. Which is good. I love that baka so much XD. How much, not sure! But, enough about that! This is for you Adam!

Thank you for being my bro and thanks for making me laugh all the time.I don't think I could ever inject anyone like you XD. Lmao. Oh and yes, to my other friends, I love you guys too and you'll all get your place in my spot-light! Especially you Mellie! Cause, I know I can always count on you. And yes, you too Steff too. I love my other brothers as well. But right now! Adam needs all the love, for you know, writing about how cute I am. Which he should be doing right now. After all, I am his best-friend and he's mine :)

I love you Adam-ster! You know, in a sister-brother way XD. Even though I know you want me :P kidding XD Who'd want me? XD. Yeah anyways! Love you guys! And next post will be with my next star XD Aka: Mellie! I love ya sis! XD okay ciao now~

I like the way you whisper,
Those sweet words in my ear,
I love the way you smile,
And chase away my fears.
When I feel alone,
And I'm standing on my own,
When it seems all has gone,
I know you're with me there
Standing strong.

You're my guardian angel,
The one who dries my tears,
You're the only man I know,
That can deal with me for years.
And even though, I know one day,
We will part,
For time doesn't wait for anyone,
And it's nothing we can stop.
I'm happy to know that now and forever more,
You'll have and be always in my heart.

Even when we are gone . . .
Our love will go on and on . . .
And cause of this,
Just cause of knowing,
That in this life, on this road,
That I had you . . .
Is enough for me
I'm so grateful, to you,
For knowing that you love, and loved me.

This is just a little something I wanted to make >>; It has no title yet. But it is dedicated to Steff and Josh ^^ Because they are the sweetest, cutest, couple, I know. Except for Messy and her man XD. They are cute too XD. Ciao~